R1/2 -- Chris Collins (artc@mastnet.net)

	I'm sorry!  I'm guilty!  I killed a little back pig in the Ranmaverse!  But
you have to remember that this is a very tragic story.  Things have died in
the Cursed Springs.
	I suppose I could have done something like making him nearly-drown--I've
heard somewhere that someone made a Spring of Drowned Akane by throwing her
into a pit and dumping magical water over her (but I could be mistaken)--but
that would ruin the drama of the fanfic.
	(CHEF'S NOTE: In other words, what he's tryin to say is 'Get off my back,
jackass.  It's my damn story.)
	(CUTE VOICE: Now on with the show.)

              -----------===================------------
              |       An Iron Dagger Production        |
              -----------===================------------

	Doshin leaned on his shovel as if it were a cane and bowed his head in
respect while Miko, wearing a blouse and pants similar to Ranma's, slowly
and cerimoniously marched out the cabin door with a neatly wrapped cloth
bundle held close.  Ranma-chan sat lotus-style on a nearby tree stump and
watched the mournful event attentively, still trying to decide whether
everything that was happening was real and she should feel sad for the girl,
or whether it was all an elaborate dream and she should try to find some
deep, spiritual meaning in it (CUTE VOICE: Always dream of killing 'The
Pig'.  Must kill 'The Pig'.).  Miko's expression brought a tear to Ranma's
eye, nevertheless.
	Miko was holding herself amazingly well, trying her best not to burst out
crying (CHEF'S NOTE: Why couldn't Father build that funeral pier so we could
have Niko cremated like I've always wanted.) (CUTE VOICE: Hehe.  Burn 'The
Pig'!) (NOTE: Shutup!  You're spoiling the atmosphere!), but the trembling
of her lip and the redness of her eyes depicted how much Niko's death had
actually taken its toll.
	She stopped in front of the small hole her father had dug and stared at it
with contempt.

              -----------===================-----------
              |        Writen and Directed by:        |
              |        Christopher Lee Collins        |
              -----------===================-----------

	Miko nudged the bundle against her cheek and sighed distantly.  Her eyes
started shimmering like twin, glassy pools.
	Doshin glanced up at his daughter and recognized her
I-never-want-to-give-you-up look.  He said softly, "You've got to let him
go, Miko.  Niko has fulfilled his destiny."
	Her father's words only seemed to make her eyes more tearful.  She curled
her bottom lip and snapped, "How can you be so cruel?  Niko was my closest
friend.  He can't be dead now."
	"And yet you hold the proof in your arms."  Doshin quickly shifted his eyes
downward, as if he had just uttered a blasphemy.   He hated to argue with
his daughter over personal attachments.
	But instead of pursuing the matter further, she looked at the burial cloth
in her hands and sighed.  "I guess you're right."
	She glanced in Ranma's direction.  "Is there nothing you can do, Guardian
Spirit?"  Ranma furiously shook her head.
	Miko let out another heavy sigh.  "Then could you say a few last words for
him?  Please."
	Ranma raised her eyebrows and pointed to herself.

              -----------===================-----------
              |    Based on Characters Created by:    |
              |           Rumiko Takahashi            |
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	Ranma had never been to a funeral before.  She held the wrapped body in her
outstretched hands like it was something infinitely fragile.  A bead of
sweat ran down her face.  _What the heck am I supposed to say?  It's dead!_
	"Ok, here'i goes...."
	However, finding the right thing to say was harder than she expected.
After stumbling around with her words for a few seconds, she sighed and
settled on, "Look, I'm sorry I wasn't there in time to save you.  I'm sure
you were a pretty decent pig."
	Miko seemed to be satisfied with that, and she gave a faint smile.  As an
impulse, Ranma brought the bundle closer to her face and whispered, "You
don't know how much trouble you're gonna cause me in the future, y'little runt."
	An image popped into Ranma's head of a little, black pig nestled up to
Akane in bed; the pig winked an eye open and snickered in taunting 'bwei's.
	Ranma snorted and turned up her nose, then tossed P-chan's body over her
shoulder toward the hole.
	_Oops._  The word entered her head even before the cloth slipped away from
her fingers.  Ranma quickly turned around and dropped to her knees in time
to catch Niko just inches from the hole.  Miko and Doshin glared at her in
shock.
	Ranma tried to smile innocently.  "Sorry.  Must have slipped."  She then
set the bundle gently into it's final resting place.

              -----------===================-----------
              |             Ranma Saotome             |
              |                  in:                  |
              -----------===================-----------

	(CHEF'S NOTE: That's my Ranchan.  Slow with the delivery, but quick with
the save.)
	(CUTE VOICE: And who say he yours, spatula girl?)
	(CHEF'S NOTE: Well he certainly ain't yours, Garfield!)
	(CUTE VOICE: Hey!  Who you call Garfield?  I better looking!)
	(NOTE: Hey you two!)
	(BOTH: What?)
	(NOTE: It's been awefully quiet.  Anyone know what happened to Happousai?)
	(BOTH: Who cares?)
	(OLD VOICE: Hi, everybody!  Did ya miss me?  Just got back from a glorious
panty raid--and what a haul!)
	(CHEF'S NOTE:$#&@!)
	(CUTE VOICE: Stupid author! You jinx us!)

              -----------===================-----------
              |             NYANNIICHUAN              |
              |           Very Tragic Story           |
              |                Part 2                 |
              |        "Guardian Spirit Ranma"        |
              -----------===================-----------

	"You lost the idol!  How could you be so careless!"  Emperor Fang kicked
the wolf half-way across the throneroom.  Lon glanced at his transformed
friend, who was trembling with his tail between his legs.  Fang shouted,
"Pae-Kau, you are worthless!  Bad dog!  Now get out of my sight!"  The wolf
whimpered on his way out.
	Lon faced forward and stood at attention.  The emperor stared coldly at the
wolf for a while longer, then turned away and ordered one of the guards to
escort it out.  He turned to Lon and started pacing in front of him.
Smiling, Fang said, "I guess I should be angry with you too.  After all, you
were supposed to make sure Pae-Kau was successful.  In addition, you allowed
a stranger to best you in combat--a woman, no less."  Lon tensed his muscles
a bit.
	Fang faced him directly.  "But you are not accountable for Pae-Kau's
mistakes, and you are much to valuable to punish."  Lon smiled under his
mask.  Fang folded his arms.  "No, you are forgiven, for now.  I have much
more important tasks for you to perform."
	Fang walked back to his throne.  "First of all, I am going to need a new
guard captian as soon as Pae-Kau is," his face darkened, "formally demoted."
	They both looked toward the door, where Pae-Kau's escort was just
returning, and his lower left leg was soaking wet.  He shook his leg a few
times before calmly taking his post.

		

	"Damn that Pae-Kau! (CHEF'S NOTE: Oh, sure!  It's bash Pae-Kau week!) Can
he do nothing right?"  The empress paced wildly in front of what appeared to
be a large campfire a few yards away, the only source of illumination in the
room.  The flickering and crackling light made shadows dance across her face
and around her feet as though they were laughing at her discomfort.
	"It changes nothing."  On the opposite side of the fire, sitting with legs
crossed and eyes closed in meditation, was a soft-featured woman with a long
fell of purple hair and a loose-fitting, orange-and-blue tigerstriped
jumpsuit.  "As long as your husband does not possess the idol, our plans
remain unchanged."
	The empress stopped and folded her arms.  "I still do not like it.  I would
prefer the idol be in OUR hands."
	The other woman responded flatly, "We do not need it.  My powers are more
potent than anything that relic could bring us."
	The empress rolled her eyes.  "Please, do not flatter yourself."
	A wispy, masculine voice calmly reasoned, "I believe that what My Queen
fears is the chance of someone else discovering the idol.  Lost items will
eventually be found."
	The empress smiled and glanced radiantly at the court jester, who was only
a checkered form of red and yellow in the darkness.  She nodded.  "Thank
you, Liu-Sing.  And please, you may call me Chun-Mae."  The figure appeared
to bow.
	The purple-haired woman almost sneered.  "And what will that 'someone else'
do with the idol?  It's just a useless scrap of wood unless one knows it's
purpose."
	Chun-Mae shot the speaker a stern look.  "Watch your tone when you speak to
me, witch woman!  And you may address me as 'My Queen'."
	The woman clenched her teeth.  "Yes, My Queen."
	After a moment of silence, the witch woman dramatically raised her arms
over her head, then let them slowly fall to her sides.  In the next instant,
her arms became a blur as her hands quickly dipped into and out of the
flames before her.  When she was finished, she swept both arms outward and
the fire fizzled out; at the same time, dozens of torches lit up around the
room, revealing that they were in a spacious, underground cavern as big as
the throneroom itself.
	Liu-Sing, casually leaning against a rocky wall, chuckled, "Salon does have
a flair for the impressive."  The empress nodded.
	The witch woman clenched her left fist in her right hand and !CRACK CRACK!
The two onlookers winced at what sounded like the snapping of a small bone.
She then cupped one hand and brought pieces of something from her hand to
her mouth.
	Chun-Mae craned her head and looked confused.  "Chestnuts?"
	Salon glanced up at her.  "What did you think the fire was for?"
	The other two facefault.

		

	Ranma-chan and Miko sat down at the table, each with a plate of roots and
berries in front of her.  Ranma ate ravenously (as usual) and cleared her
plate in seconds.  Miko, however, only stared blankly at her food and
sighed, her arms hanging limply to her sides.

	Ranma spoke out of the side of her mouth as she chewed, "I'm glad to see
you're feeling better today.  You didn't look too good last night."

	"...."

	Ranma raised her eyebrows, understanding that something was bothering her.
"Aren't you hungry?  You haven't eaten since... well, I haven't seen you eat
anything yet."

	Miko sighed heavily, "I miss him already."  She paused and looked at Ranma
for a while, making her feel uneasy, then began again, "Niko would always
sit beside me when I ate, and I'd always give him something from my plate."

	Ranma stared at her, half-striken, then smiled.  "You can give me something
from your plate." (CHEF'S NOTE: Way to go, Guardian Spirit.) After realizing
what she had said, she bit her lower lip.

	But to Ranma's surprise, Miko started to smile, then let out a quick
giggle.  "Well, it seems like you do eat like a pig...."

	Ranma folded her arms and huffed.  Miko quickly apologized.  Ranma tilted
her head to the side and said, "It's Ok.  I guess sorta I do, don't I."

	Miko looked up and joyfully nodded.  She picked up a root and held it
half-way across the table; Ranma leaned over and bit the end off, then sat
back in her chair.  Miko laughed a tear from her eye.

	She took a bite of the root as well.  "I hope you don't mind eating these
things, Guardian Spirit.  I mean... you're probably use to something
more...."  She trailed off, not sure of the right word to complete her thought.

	Ranma put her hands behind her head.  "Don't worry 'bout it.  I had to eat
this stuff all the time when I traveled everywhere with my pop."

	Miko looked at her strangely.  "Your... pop?"

	Ranma realized she didn't understand.  "Y'know, my dad... my father."

	Miko leaned forward, interested.  "Oh?  Who is your father and where did he
take you?"

	Ranma nervously looked around the room, realizing that she wasn't prepared
to heap her whole life story on her just yet.  Miko nodded, "I understand."

	Ranma quickly sputtered, "It's not like I won't tell you or nothin.  It's
just that it's kinda complicated and...."

	Miko smiled and shoved a berry into Ranma's mouth.  "You don't need to
explain yourself, Guardian Spirit.  All that matters is that you're here."

	Ranma shrugged and chewed her food.  An uneasy silence filled the room, and
Miko stared at her half-eaten root while she though of something to say.

	Miko's face suddenly lit up as she just remembered something.  "I've got a
present for you."  Ranma glanced at her, slightly curious, when she pulled a
small, wooden statue from somewhere under the table.   Miko gleefully handed
the object to her guardian and waited patiently for a response.

	Ranma held the object up to her face and examined it with as much
enthusiasm as a wooden object could warrant from her--yet it did look odd.
It was a finely carved, oaken icon of a really fat, thick feathered bird
with a somewhat slumped forehead perched atop a smooth half-sphere.  "Man.
This is the goffiest looking bird I've ever seen."  It reminded him of one
of those mosterous, overfed, granddaddy pigeons that liked to perch atop
statues in the park.

	Miko looked a bit shocked.  "But Guardian Spirit... that's a phoenix."
(NOTE: Yeah, yeah, yeah.  Just like in the OAV.  I had my reasons for using it.)

	Ranma looked at it more closely.  _That's a PHOENIX?  I always imagined
something more... majestic._  "So where'd you find this thing?"

	Miko looked down to hide her eyes.  "*sniffle* I found it in the leather
bag with Niko.  *sniff sniff* I know you tried your best to save him, and I
wanted you to have the statue to... I don't know...."  She glanced up in
grief and embarrassment.  "You don't like it, do you?"

	A drop of sweat formed aside Ranma's face when she realized she was on the
verge of wounding Miko's pride.  She set the wooden bird on the table and
patted it gently.  "I'm very honored to recieve your gift.  Thanks."

	Miko's emotional state went from near-depression to ecstatic joy so fast
that even a manic-depressive would feel dizzy.  _She's HONORED!_  Miko
sqealed in delight and threw her arms about Ranma's neck.  "I'm so glad you
like it, Guardian Spirit!"  Ranma gasped for air.